Although our move has been nothing short of God inspired and God ordained we are still struggling with adjusting to Colorado. Everything is so different and yet so the same. These past few months I have been exhausted, mentally, physically and spiritually. I feel like I haven’t had the energy or the desire even to pray. I’ve thought to myself, God, where are you? Why are we here? What is our purpose?
It’s not that I am particularly angry with God, it’s that I am confused. We moved here with such high hopes. Our hopes and dreams, and I am quickly reminded that His ways are not our ways. But God has been so faithful to us, even when we are so faithless.
I have been struggling with being a stranger amongst strangers. Before we moved I liked the idea of “starting fresh”, getting to know new and exciting people. Although, I have found it to be very exhausting. I feel so impersonal and for a bit I lost the desire to even reach out and make friends. I felt like there was no point in making friends and that I could just “do life” by myself with my husband and our kids. I know my heart was shut off from the Lord, like a little wall building up, brick by brick. I have been praying for him to open it again and to reveal himself to me. Once again, he has. It’s a humbling experience to have the God of the universe answer a prayer for you. A need ever so sweetly fulfilled.
I opened my bible one morning this past week to 1 Kings 19, I think I should have been reading somewhere else on my read through the bible in a year app but it glitched and lead me here and with out any thought I very numbly started to read God’s word.
Oh my, how did it speak to my heart. After being utterly exhausted from killing Jezebel’s profits of Baal. Elijah sat down and prayed to God that he might die. He was extremely discouraged, fatigued and was with out hope. He layed down and slept until an angel of the Lord woke him up and fed him. He layed down again, still exhausted and slept some more. The angel again awoke Elijah, fed him and told him that he must travel to mount Sinai.
It was there on the mountain of God, that the Lord revealed himself to Elijah. It was God who showed Elijah, a distressed, lonely and broken man, his power and majesty. He caused a mighty windstorm, a earthquake and a fire but God was not present in those storms. He made himself known to Elijah in the form of a gentle whisper and reminded him to keep on keep’n on. That God was with him.
I find it
ironic (actually, its not irony, its a God thing) that I came across this scripture at this time. For one, the message of Elijah’s life was a big inspiration and source of encouragement for our move. Second, I was feeling exhausted and broken. Questioning if we made the right decision. I found the answer in my NLT parallel study bible, the notes reference to verse 19:3 and it says,
“Elijah experienced the depths of fatigue and discouragement just after his two great spiritual victories: the defeat of the prophets of Baal and the answer to prayer for rain. Often discouragement sets in after great spiritual experiences, especially those requiring physical effort or involving great emotion. To lead him out of depression, God first let him rest and eat. Then God confronted him with the need to return to this mission-to speak God’s words in Israel. Elijah’s battles were not over; he still had work to do. When you feel let down after a great spiritual experience, remember that God’s purpose for your life is not over yet”
It was as if God was whispering to my wounded heart. “Rest, then get up. I still have great things for you, you are still my girl.” Since God revealed those truths to me, miraculous things have been happening in the coolest, most strangest ways. I can feel my strength rising again, my heart longing to be in His presence. I am so thankful to have such a personal God, who knows me and exactly what I need.
“You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.” -Psalm 139:5
“…And when I wake up, you are still with me!” -Psalm 139:18
Do you ever feel discouraged? Like God is not present in your life, are you wondering where he is and how you fit in to this life? Rest, my sweet friend, and know that God is with you. You need only to be still and listen to that sweet whisper;
“For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” -Zephaniah 3:17